Authenticity

I’m learning what it means to be authentic.

Authentic. I used to ignore this word, and take it for granted as if it had little to no importance in my life.

But now this word has so much weight. I like the way it sounds, I appreciate what it means, I rejoice in what I’m learning about.

So, I’m learning what it means to be authentic…in other words. I’m learning what it means to be REAL with people. This comes in a variety of forms…not lying, not being fake, not putting on a mask, not faking your words or emotions to woo others, not trying to fill awkward silences with small talk. But for me, this has mostly come in the form of choosing to not stay silent. I’m understanding the importance of speaking up instead of shutting up, of confronting someone instead of being afraid of looking like the bad guy, of being honest with my feelings instead of ashamed of them, of telling others how I feel about them instead of avoiding vulnerability, of asking questions instead of fearing rejection, of being honest with what’s going on in my life instead of assuming no one wants to know, of stepping up instead of avoiding awkwardness or failure, of apologizing instead of thinking it’s unnecessary, of saying no instead of not wanting to hurt their feelings, of telling someone they have hurt you instead of brushing it off and keeping a fake smile on.

Of simply being raw and honest and vulnerable with others.

Maybe to an 8 year old not being Real means lying to others, but at this point in life, it no longer means hiding honesty with lies…it means hiding honesty with silence and fear.

Maybe it’s just the simple fact that life is richer when we share it with others…including sharing our hearts, our thoughts, our fears, our beliefs..things we normally try to tone down.

Stop the constant small talk. Be real with people.

So yeah, I’m on a journey to be more authentic. I feel like I’ve got the concept down, but putting it into action is about 5 bajillion times harder than it seems. There’s a lot of fear going into it. Like I said..vulnerability, looking like the bad guy, awkwardness, being too heavy, scaring people away, rejection, failure, not knowing what to say next, etc…no one enjoys that. And most of us spend our lives trying our best to avoid those areas. But it’s not worth it anymore. The avoidance of these obstacles isn’t worth forgoing the richness of being authentic with others.

What do you think? What do you think it means to be real with people? this isn’t rhetorical by the way, I’m actually really curious :)

i love

I love it.

I love Lima.

I love this life here.

I love Kika.

I love Alejo.

I love Gabo.

I love Mateo.

I love Paula.

I love Chancho.

I love Abby.

I love Melvin and Marion, my CIEE directors

I love the way the cobrador says ´sube, sube, sube´

I love this food.

I love la Catolica, my school.

I love this language.

I love the way I feel when i speak it.

I love how this place feels like home.

I love the tetanus containing peaces of metal that scratch me on the micros.

I love this opportunity.



I´m here, and I´m lovin´ it all over again.

:)

One moment at a time.

Airports

2:08pm at the Miami terminal

So I’m sitting in the Miami terminal waiting for my flight to Lima, eating some gummy worms, and about to start reading that book that everyone is going crazy about: Eat, Pray, Love. Except I get an extra gold star because I’m reading it Spanish! Yeah! Come Reza Ama! I can’t tell if I bought it in Spanish because there were no more English copies, or if it was because I feel I should to further soak my mind in Spanish while I’m in Lima.

Anywho, should be interesting.

I decided today that airports are pretty extreme places. They are either wonderful, or scary as heck.

Why are they scary as heck, you would ask? Well, lemme tell you. The following shall explain:

•TSA

•Being stared at by TSA

•Going through immigrations in the Miami airport

•Being harshly questioned by the mean immigrations man

•Being chased by the other mean immigrations man because I am going the wrong way
down the labyrinth which they call an airport

•Not knowing what to do when the customs man asks me if I have alcohol in my bag, when indeed there is quite a bit of Peruvian wine

•Freaking out when I admit that there is

•Freaking out more when he asks me if I’m underage

•Being underage

•Hoping he doesn’t drag me away and arrest me forever

•He doesn’t

•Anyway

•Carrying 5 bottles of aerosol mosquito repellent spray in your suitcase and forgetting that aerosol = explosive. You might as well have put an atom bomb in there.

•Holding up the whole security line because my power rangers’ beeper went off in my bag…and apparently that means danger. (ok so that was when I was 5, but still)

•Realizing you forgot your neck pillow, which means awkwardly trying to snuggle with the airplane window and developing a neck cramp in the process. Dang it!

•But overall, going off alone and leaving your comfort zone. And knowing that the next 4 months will be lived in pure uncertainty.

Ok so let’s balance that out. Now you ask, what makes airports such wonderful places? Lemme tell ya.

•The fact that ‘Airport’ is just another name for ‘Giant Food Court’, with a few airplanes around it.

•The cool little lady behind the counter that starts talking to me in Spanish and reminds me of how much I miss the language, and the little old ladies that speak it.

•Discovering that Swedish Fish now come in a variety of colors. Thanks airport bookstore/candy place.

•Laughing while you watch people hover impatiently around the boarding terminal and wondering why there is a strange need to get on the plane as fast as you can.

•Watching people try to stuff a mattress and a dead yak into the overhead compartments (name that reference)

•Knowing that everyone around you is going on, or coming from some kind of adventure.

•Realizing that you are one of those people who are going on or coming from some kind of adventure.

:)

Leaving Austin again

So I’m sitting here at midnight, hours before my flight back to Lima. I’m afraid to go to sleep. Leaving is going to be hard. I asked myself if I thought it would be harder to leave Austin this time around, as opposed to when I first left back in February. I do think this time will be harder. In February I had so much adrenaline and excitement running through my veins that leaving felt like nothing other than the start of an incredible adventure…which it was :)

But now there isn’t the same adrenaline. I’m going back to a place that is familiar. A place that I have already gotten to know. There is nothing new..…or so I tell myself. And all I can think about right now is how much I’m going to miss my family and friends, and how good it feels to be home. love you guys

I’ve had a wonderful break. I got to just be, and live, and laugh, and reminisce with the people I love so much. And I got to hug and touch them. I know that sounds weird and creeperish. But it sucks not being able to hug your friends and family, or not simply being able to BE with them, physically. Phone calls, and skype and email are nice, but nothing beats being in the same room with someone.

Anywho, I love and will miss you guys…again.

And yet, here comes another semester. Another adventure. Another era in life to embrace. What will a semester in Lima bring this time?

I’m not sure what mindset I should have coming in to it this time. I keep picturing the experience as if I know what to expect…my host home, my family, daily life in lime, the micros, the same ol’ stuff from last semester, la de dah.

But I have no idea, do i? From what I recall about life, things never turn out quite how I expect…it’s always crazier, harder, rougher, better :)

I’m not sure how to react yet to this trip. But I do have one theme, if nothing else, coming into it:

BE BOLD.

Ok let’s see where this takes me.